Four days after my birthday, I lost the love of my life to a sudden heart attack following 30 years of marriage and became intensely aware of the effect that such a tragedy has in temporarily dimming the light of this hallowed season. In my effort to refocus on the True and Everlasting Light, I reach out to others and feel lifted in prayer. One dear family friend gave me permission to post my exchange with her. I hope that it will be a comfort to others, as it was to me–especially others who know the pain of marking a sad anniversary during this season of joy.

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Hello Anne,

I am assuming that you have heard that my husband Jack passed away very unexpectedly on the morning of the 12th  from heart failure.  Forgive me if I’m being presumptuous but I know you went through this with Chris and as the waves of grief ebb then flow, I find myself wondering how long it will be before any flicker of joy returns.

I know it is very early, but I am feeling rather like a wimp, and I thought you might have some words of wisdom you would be willing to share. 

Thank you for listening. 

Sue Anne 

Oh, Sue Anne. I am so very sorry for your loss; what a terrible shock. 

Looking back over the almost five years since Chris’ death, there have absolutely been ebbs and flows of both joy and sorrow, peace and anxiety, gratefulness and anger, inclusion and loneliness. But through it all, I’ve been able to know in my heart that I was – and am – greatly loved: by Chris, by our friends, families, and even complete strangers, and by God.  

Surround yourself with loving and caring people, be comfortable accepting help from others, and immerse yourself in as much beauty and light as you can. 

Losing Chris was the most horrible thing I’ve ever experienced, and I miss him terribly every day. I feel his presence with me, though, always; and whenever I’m unsure of what to do or have an important decision to make, I know he is with me. I find immense comfort in that.  

In these next few days and weeks, please take good care of yourself: talk as much – or as little – as you want to about Jack; know that it’s OK to accept – or decline – offers of help; and know that it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for what you need. People will be honored to help. 

Wishing you strength, comfort, and peace. 

Much love,

Anne