Confession: In a weak moment of midnight melancholy, I succumbed to the lure of online courtship. I figured the March lockdown provided a bubble of protection from which to practice my "skills."

I won't mention the site's name since I know people who have had dating success there. That's the only reason I even considered hopping onboard for an exploratory month. Well, that and 90 days of isolation, which left a lot of homebound singles babbling incoherently and laughing out loud for no apparent reason.

Regrettably, my experience in the world of internet socializing was less than rewarding, in numerous ways.

1.) The guys I "liked" didn't like me back. Or answer my notes. It was seventh grade all over again. Who needs to revisit that humiliation?

2.) Terminology is misleading.
 •An about average physique—based on photographic evidence—translates to rather chunky.
 •4/20 friendly sounds like shorthand for Super Outgoing, kinda' like 24/7 is hyperbole for Like, all the time, man. Actual meaning: Cannabis Friendly, which is possibly code for pothead. Okay, Boomer.
 •I'm not materialistic could mean I live in a tiny trailer which I move frequently, under  cover of darkness. And I am very neat might stand for suffering from obsessive- compulsive disorder. That's the problem; one never knows.
 •Then there's marital status: currently separated. Currently, denoting in the process of  divorcing and on the rebound? Or currently, as in it's probably temporary so I'm out here  trolling while I can? Red flag city, either way.

3.) My profile reads, interested in exploring the Twin Cities cultural scene. Even so, the majority of the guys who contacted me were Mountain Man types—lots of hair; a love of hunting, fishing, and RVing. Maybe my adding I am equally comfortable hiking the trails of northern Minnesota in jeans and a hoodie  turned them on?

4.) I set my distance limit at 30 miles. The next day I got a message from a guy who lives on a ranch in Texas. Nyaah, he was probably lying about the ranch, anyway.

5.) MAGA gals need not respond, says the guy who describes himself as extremely tolerant of others and their views. Apparently tolerance has its limits.

6.) Extra charges: You can boost your visibility and screen out scammers . . . just pay more! Such a deal.

7.) Three weeks in, I received a likes you message from Valerie. She looks like a perfectly nice lady, but, Valerie? Really? Pretty sure I'd have far too much in common with a Valerie.

8.) Most of the new picks for you were not. I wasted a lot of time sifting through already dismissed profiles.

My personal review of this make-a-match game: It was tedious, depressing, and disappointing.  Maybe 30 days wasn't a fair trial, but part of me clings to the belief that meeting a potential partner should just happen organically.

So, even if the web has become the best field for putting together a relationship, I’m planning to bench myself. At least for the remainder of the season.