Cold Comfort

Are modern colds more virulent? I ask because it seems as if a rhinovirus assault keeps me under the weather, and under the covers, a whole lot longer these days.

Granted, 20 years ago my body was, well, 20 years younger. Probably more resilient. I also seem to catch colds more often, but that's possibly on me for waving a fond farewell to the old Covid obsession with sanitizing.

Whatever the explanation, I've spent the past four days flattened, raw-throated, and miserable, and am just today tiptoeing toward resuming life outside of my bedroom. I knew I was perking up a bit when my still-sluggish brain started slowly churning out productive thoughts.

The result, a hybrid humorous/practical list of dos and don'ts for fellow sufferers:

Rules for Surviving a Common Cold

1. Cancel all commitments for at least five days. (Pretty much a memo to myself to remember what happened last time I dove back in too soon and virtually face-planted a few days later.)

2. Early-on, cover your bathroom mirror with a towel. Completely. (A day-three confrontation with the reflected image of an unwashed, unhinged, cracked-lipped, Linda-Blair-in-the-Exorcist look-alike will not aid your recovery. Truly.)

3. Do not expect to lose much weight simply because you can hardly swallow, your entire mouth seems to be lined with tin foil, and you've been doing involuntary ab crunches 24/7. (It seems that huddling under a heated throw for multiple days doesn't burn many extra calories.)

4. As soon as you have the energy to hold onto a pen, add crossword puzzle book, frozen juice pops, and chicken soup to your shopping list. (You know, for that inevitable "next time" that we tend to forget lurks ahead.)

5. Tell yourself you're having an extended spa experience: nothing to do but read, rest, take hot baths, and eat all your meals in bed. (This works a whole lot better if you have someone in residence willing to prepare and serve said meals.)

6. Do not assume that spending eight-to-twelve hours in bed will leave you feeling rested. (See "involuntary ab crunches" above.)

7. When your vision clears, research YouTube videos on training our brains to ignore pain and other physical triggers, such as that infuriating, persistent, sandpapery throat that demands to be cleared. Constantly. (A large, very hot brandy toddy with lemon helps, too. According to a friend.)

8. Expect to have some really weird dreams. (A few nights ago, I had a lengthy conversation with a delightful character who appeared to be an amalgam of the best parts of Prince Harry and Prince William. In a lush garden. In Hawaii.)

9. Do not count on your cats to supply warmth, comfort, and support. (Apparently, they, too, find incessant hacking and seismic sneezes annoying.)

10. Do muster the energy by midday to peel, slice, and freeze fresh fruit for bedtime smoothies. (The ultimate cold sufferer's soothing comfort food and your reward for not whining…too much. My favorite: banana, strawberry, soy milk.)

You're welcome.