Enunciation Proclamation

Here's the dill: I woont minshun this, but I fill desspert. Whir living in a world designed fer are progeny and thur language quirks. But aminah make myself vunnerable to illustrate a point. I can arty hear you asking, what is she going on about now? I'll git twit, below.

So many inshoeance commercials and claims about college twishion and sosh security pop up own yer TV these days. Whir s'posed to take 'em surously, but thur oweys messing with words. Like the gal goin' bonkers fer her fave feud picks and the bujit-frindly mills at Windy's. Or the fella who gits giddy about using toplical agents.

The surprise is, that last guy is promoting hometown real estate brokers, not over-the-counter eczema treatments. It all drives me crazy. Or crazier.

I believe they hand out credentials to the grammar police: "I dub you Sir/Dame Knowzitall." Or maybe we armchair editors just tend to act like we've been bestowed with authority. Whatever, I encourage any influential grammarians out there to resurrect and reenergize their campaign against the slow, torturous mangling of the English language.

I grew up with a mother who was fussy about enunciation and a father who decried the poor grammar and sloppy pronunciation of sports—and news—commentators, so I suppose this awareness was bred into me. Not everyone cares, but I think communications "professionals" should, even in the ad biz.

Lecture to commercial script writers: Perhaps you could first define, then spell things out phonetically for those spokespersons who have become sloppy of tongue. And before I step off this soap box, a few more gripes, ummm, I mean helpful suggestions:

-Students don't graduate college. They graduate from college. The first usage implies that the college as an entity is capable of being pushed through that senior year goal post, right along with the overly indebted young'un who gets capped and gowned and marched across a stage. To clarify: One can rate a college. One can hate a college. But one cannot graduate a college.

-A project, school of thought, or idea arising from the foundation of a pre-existing project, school of thought, or idea is not based off its predecessor, it is based on its predecessor. A foundation (a base) is something that supports the things on top of it. Ergo (Philosophy minor here; forgive me), based on the underpinnings of one person's invention, the world becomes flooded with innovations. This is a good thing. Couldn't happen if the innovators were "off" base, right?

Okay. So back to the original peeve, with my thanks for your rapt attention to this important public service announcement. As much as I enjoy a good venting, I don't hold out much hope for a shift in the trend toward misuse of the language. We tripped over the ledge onto that slippery slope decades ago.

I blame whoever it was who first uttered the contraction "It'll."